Kansas Week One

This experience here in Kansas has been a roller coaster so far. I have been up and down so many different times. The first day that I got to meet everyone in my discipleship group I felt totally out of place. It takes time for me to be real around people. That day I wasn’t myself. Not only that but I was feeling like I shouldn’t of gone to Kansas after all. I had hyped this thing up so much and now I finally got here and it was nothing that I had expected. After leaving the church I drove off into nowhere and just thought about everything that happened. Negative thoughts were controlling my mind. I talked to God and continued to question why I was here. It brought me back to my baseball days when I wanted to quit because I was in the dumps. Well during baseball every time that I stuck it out it turned out to be well worth it. I thought to myself that God is an awesome God. He knows what’s best for me. If he wants to make me into a strong disciple then he is going to mold me and shape me in ways that I can’t imagine. This was only day one! The verse that I was reminded of was James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I always told myself that I wish I would stop holding it all in and just be real with my love for Jesus. I think this is true for many Christians. Many times you feel too scared to give it all to Jesus because you are going too far out of your comfort zone. In a book that we have been reading called Celebration of Discipline the author says, “Inwardly you long to launch out into the deep.” Basically he is saying that you long to be genuine with your faith. Not letting anything hold you back.

Throughout this journey I have constantly been praying that God would help me be real. It’s always hard to be real when you got nerves making you someone that you are not. After getting to know the other interns that first week, things started to feel more comfortable. When I first worshipped at this church (Life Church) I felt the Spirit of God like I had never felt before. Talk about being real! When they were worshipping they were going crazy. Letting it all out and not worrying about what people thought of them. Some of these songs lifted up my spirit in miraculous ways. For the first time in my life I lifted up my hands in praise to God. Worshipping God is showing God love in return. Well God deserves a lot of love considering that he sent his perfect Son to die on the cross for our sins. Lifting up your hands to God is being real with your love for Christ.