I apologize once again for not keeping my family and friends updated on what God has been doing here in Kansas. There is a lot of catching up that needs to be done. It's crazy to say that there are almost five months left for the first year of this internship. Yes I said "first year." When I came out here I thought that this journey was only going to be a year. Well, there is an option to stay for a second year. It's not my plans, they are God's.
Throughout this internship I have struggled so often about wanting to quit everything here and go back home. We started off with five people and now it has dropped to three. Ryan the only other guy is no longer here. Obviously everyone has been struggling. For me my main struggle is feeling out of place here. By being out of place I mean feeling like I should be involved with athletes because I have played baseball most of my life. And also wishing I was back at home with family and friends. Throughout all this I have become more dependent on God because of being out of my comfort zone so often. I have grown so much in my relationship with Christ. God has taught me so much. If I was to give up rather than to stick out these next five months to see what else God is going to do then that would be giving up. Giving up is for wimps who lack a trust in God. Often times I feel like I am being a wimp for thinking about giving up. I need to stick out these next five months then I can see where I want to go. Although its not about "ME," its about where God wants me to go. We need to be willing to do whatever He wants.
It seems like I have lacked faith in God all throughout my life. I could definitely say that my life has been very similar to the lives of the Israelites after God brought them out of slavery. The Egyptians were treating God's people harshly so He freed them through many miracles. Even though God showed his love by delivering his people they still lacked faith and trust in who God was. They made idols to take the place of God. I'm relating this to my life because God has performed miracles and He has shown me so much love and I still lack faith in Him. I continue questioning why I am here along with feeling like I am not equipped enough to be involved in ministry.
How can I not be equipped for serving God when through faith in Christ God's spirit is given to us. God is the creator of the world, the God who raised Jesus from the dead so that He could bring life to us. The God who performed hundreds and hundreds of miracles throughout Scripture, and the same God who still performs miracles to this day. Jesus healed people, cast out demons, and raised people from the dead. The disciples of Jesus were "unschooled ordinary men" who did what Jesus did because they had God's spirit living inside of them. God has given us the power to do anything if it is His will. I am not ill equipped for this journey, in fact I'm equipped to do everything. I just need to have the courage and faith to believe in that.
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