Don't Give Up!

I apologize once again for not keeping my family and friends updated on what God has been doing here in Kansas. There is a lot of catching up that needs to be done. It's crazy to say that there are almost five months left for the first year of this internship. Yes I said "first year." When I came out here I thought that this journey was only going to be a year. Well, there is an option to stay for a second year. It's not my plans, they are God's.

Throughout this internship I have struggled so often about wanting to quit everything here and go back home. We started off with five people and now it has dropped to three. Ryan the only other guy is no longer here. Obviously everyone has been struggling. For me my main struggle is feeling out of place here. By being out of place I mean feeling like I should be involved with athletes because I have played baseball most of my life. And also wishing I was back at home with family and friends. Throughout all this I have become more dependent on God because of being out of my comfort zone so often. I have grown so much in my relationship with Christ. God has taught me so much. If I was to give up rather than to stick out these next five months to see what else God is going to do then that would be giving up. Giving up is for wimps who lack a trust in God. Often times I feel like I am being a wimp for thinking about giving up. I need to stick out these next five months then I can see where I want to go. Although its not about "ME," its about where God wants me to go. We need to be willing to do whatever He wants.

It seems like I have lacked faith in God all throughout my life. I could definitely say that my life has been very similar to the lives of the Israelites after God brought them out of slavery. The Egyptians were treating God's people harshly so He freed them through many miracles. Even though God showed his love by delivering his people they still lacked faith and trust in who God was. They made idols to take the place of God. I'm relating this to my life because God has performed miracles and He has shown me so much love and I still lack faith in Him. I continue questioning why I am here along with feeling like I am not equipped enough to be involved in ministry.

How can I not be equipped for serving God when through faith in Christ God's spirit is given to us. God is the creator of the world, the God who raised Jesus from the dead so that He could bring life to us. The God who performed hundreds and hundreds of miracles throughout Scripture, and the same God who still performs miracles to this day. Jesus healed people, cast out demons, and raised people from the dead. The disciples of Jesus were "unschooled ordinary men" who did what Jesus did because they had God's spirit living inside of them. God has given us the power to do anything if it is His will. I am not ill equipped for this journey, in fact I'm equipped to do everything. I just need to have the courage and faith to believe in that.

Playing a Different Game

Something that has been a big struggle on this journey is not being involved in baseball. Not just baseball but the whole idea of competing with all your teammates trying to win a game. You are around these guys all the time. Practicing all the time. Working out together. How about going through grueling practices, which consist of conditioning at the end of the day depending on how you played. When you experience these things together then most teammates will be there for each other, picking each other up, not leaving a teammate behind. This can create a team that feels like a family. You have suffered together but you also get to experience joy together. 

Now that I am at a church it is hard to feel that connection with everyone here because there are many times when I feel out of place. Yes, we all love the Lord, but to me it feels like playing on a soccer team when I have been playing baseball all of my life. It just isn’t natural for me. Sometimes I feel like the player who isn’t very good. The great thing about this sport is that you don’t have to be good. Even though I am not the best player I would say that I have potential to be a good player after many many tough grueling days of practicing. The goal for this team is to win souls by bringing people to Jesus! This game is much more important than a game of baseball or any other game. When I say game, I am using it as an illustration.

That’s how I am hoping this experience is going to turn out. I want to put so much effort and work into this game so that when I leave here I will look back and see a different player. God is already teaching me so many things about my faith. I came out here because I wanted to serve God with all my heart. He has been showing me many ways that I can give more of my life to him. This isn’t easy at all! Especially considering that I am out of my comfort zone most of the time. Although it’s all worth it because I know God is making me stronger so that I can do my job faithfully. 

This picture is a good illustration of how I feel sometimes. 

My Kansas Family

I wish someone had invented a transporter already. It would be awesome to just transport home so I could see my family and friends. In fact I wish there was a transporter that would transport me back into the future so I could see my Dad and brother. I miss all the memories from the past. We had an amazing family. 

Even though they are gone I still believe I have an amazing family. Something that I have always loved is when Jesus says that everyone is family. In Mark someone tells Jesus that his mother and brother are waiting outside for him. He responds by saying, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mothers and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” I think of what Jesus said. Everyone here in Kansas who does God's will is my family. I thought it would be great to introduce you all to the team.

Garret, Sarah, Tristen (middle), Kindy (left), and Uriah (right)

Since I have been out here these two have been so loving. Garret and Sarah are on fire for God and you can see it in their desire to build myself and the rest of our team into strong disciples for Christ. Sarah has her hands full with these kids while she also is working hard with Garret for this leadership team. Garret is the high school pastor for Life Church and a huge hunter. We have been getting along just fine!

Victoria Davis, Torrey Goring, and Kelli Pugh

It's been great getting to know these girls so far. As you can see from this picture they like to have fun and joke around. When I left my computer they took this picture and set it as my background. Torrey came here from Colorado and the other girls live here in Kansas. They all have a strong heart to serve the Lord, which is why they are here!

Ryan Meador

The first time I met Ryan he introduces himself  saying, "What's up dog?" Right away I could see him as a funny guy. As you can see from this picture he looks like a goof ball. He is a goof ball but most importantly he has a heart for Jesus. Ryan loves to freestyle rap about Jesus. It has been nice having him here with me and I look forward to growing in our friendship.

It has been almost 2 months out here! Crazy! It has been full of ups and downs. When I am down everything inside of me wishes that I could just be home. Although right around the corner God does something amazing and I am on cloud nine praising Jesus. He is teaching me so much here and I can't wait to share with everyone what I am learning. Keep checking on me because I will be blowing you away with news of how amazing our God is.

Kansas Week One

This experience here in Kansas has been a roller coaster so far. I have been up and down so many different times. The first day that I got to meet everyone in my discipleship group I felt totally out of place. It takes time for me to be real around people. That day I wasn’t myself. Not only that but I was feeling like I shouldn’t of gone to Kansas after all. I had hyped this thing up so much and now I finally got here and it was nothing that I had expected. After leaving the church I drove off into nowhere and just thought about everything that happened. Negative thoughts were controlling my mind. I talked to God and continued to question why I was here. It brought me back to my baseball days when I wanted to quit because I was in the dumps. Well during baseball every time that I stuck it out it turned out to be well worth it. I thought to myself that God is an awesome God. He knows what’s best for me. If he wants to make me into a strong disciple then he is going to mold me and shape me in ways that I can’t imagine. This was only day one! The verse that I was reminded of was James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I always told myself that I wish I would stop holding it all in and just be real with my love for Jesus. I think this is true for many Christians. Many times you feel too scared to give it all to Jesus because you are going too far out of your comfort zone. In a book that we have been reading called Celebration of Discipline the author says, “Inwardly you long to launch out into the deep.” Basically he is saying that you long to be genuine with your faith. Not letting anything hold you back.

Throughout this journey I have constantly been praying that God would help me be real. It’s always hard to be real when you got nerves making you someone that you are not. After getting to know the other interns that first week, things started to feel more comfortable. When I first worshipped at this church (Life Church) I felt the Spirit of God like I had never felt before. Talk about being real! When they were worshipping they were going crazy. Letting it all out and not worrying about what people thought of them. Some of these songs lifted up my spirit in miraculous ways. For the first time in my life I lifted up my hands in praise to God. Worshipping God is showing God love in return. Well God deserves a lot of love considering that he sent his perfect Son to die on the cross for our sins. Lifting up your hands to God is being real with your love for Christ.